A few years ago, I attended my friend Nick's 40th birthday party.
As part of the celebration, he hired an improv comedian, us everyone He had to participate in learning improvisational comedy.
(I felt the collective shudder of all the introverts reading this newsletter.)
We started coming up with fun scenarios and scenes to participate in, and learned the most important rule of improvisation: “yes and.”
Two simple words, the foundation of all stand-up comedy:
When someone comes up with a scene, sentence, or situation, the only acceptable response is: “Yes and.”
- Yes: acceptance! I accept and acknowledge that no matter what the situation is, no matter how ridiculous, it is real.
- And: Build! Like a tennis match, after your improvising partner hits the ball back to you, it's your job to hit it back! Build on the situation or scene.
For example, if your improv partner said, “I'm a space pirate,” your response could be:
- “Yes, and I'm the space police, you're under arrest!”
- “Yes, and I'm a first mate looking for a new crew, so this is perfect!”
- “Yes, and my name is Captain Hook. Welcome to Pirates Anonymous.”
The “yes and” rule is crucial, because there is nothing worse than a bad improv partner!
Kind of like Liam Neeson in This short drawing With Ricky Gervais (I laugh every time):
Yes, the rule of life
As a former overachieving “gifted child” with a completely negative inner critic, I have done my best to incorporate “yes and” into my life.
The “yes” part is built on acceptance, which is something I've spent the last two years working on embracing.
Check out my previous articles on acceptance and Wabi-sabi For more.
It's the F part that I've been focusing on lately.
As Dr. Kristin Neff pointed out in her book Self-compassionLife is complicated and so are humans:
“Judgment defines people as bad versus good and attempts to capture their essential nature through simplistic labels.
Discriminating wisdom recognizes complexity and ambiguity.
Nothing is ever as simple as it seems. Things are never as good or bad as our brains think they are.
So, despite the voice in our heads that wants to judge everything as black or white, yes or no, good or bad… we must remember that life is a beautifully complex mess.
Author F. said: Scott Fitzgerald once said:
The test of first-class intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.
One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless, and yet be determined to make them different.
This is my mission for you today.
Is there a part of your life that seems black or white, and instead could use a little complexity?
Nothing is as simple as it seems.
Life is hard, and change is hard. And you're a good person who tries.
Which means there is hope. and Hope is a warrior's emotion.
Also, please go watch it Liam Neeson play.
You're welcome.
-Steve
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