The job of parents is not to protect their children from life's challenges; Guide them through – Providing the necessary support and tools for Help them thrive in difficult times.
your Child Life Specialist and TherapistI have worked with thousands of children and families facing illness, trauma, grief, and loss. I have observed words and actions that reveal that a child is learning how to deal effectively with life's inevitable difficulties.
It's not about staying calm or avoiding tears. It's about using strategies and skills to manage, tolerate and reduce stress when it arises. That's why kids cope so well You tend to have high emotional intelligence. They are good at identifying their feelings and using positive strategies to manage their emotions.
Listen for these six things you might hear from children with high emotional intelligence:
1. “It's okay to be sad.”
Children with high emotional intelligence are likely to have high emotional intelligence Trusted adults who taught them That it's okay to cry and that all feelings are okay.
They know that it is normal to feel sad, angry, frustrated, or anxious in response to difficult situations. In the same way, they learned that it is okay to have happy, joyful, or playful moments even in difficult times.
2. “I need some space.”
Children with healthy coping skills can recognize and manage their emotions. They know the warning signs — racing thoughts, a rapid heartbeat, tense muscles, or a knot in their stomach — and feel comfortable asking for what they need.
They may go toConfrontation cornerTo give themselves time and space to use their pre-planned tools. For example, they can pick up a pinwheel or blow bubbles to help them take deep breaths.
They likely learned these skills by watching their parents model self-regulation and open communication.
3. “Are you okay?”
Emotionally intelligent children can Recognizing emotions in othersalso. They understand that both adults and children can have big emotions during difficult times, and that everyone copes differently.
They may be the first to realize it when they are friend Upset, he may need space or a hug and that's okay.
Empathizing with others comes naturally to them and they show ease and comfort in listening to others' point of view, respecting their needs, and working together.
They realize that even when their parent is emotional, they can still be loved, cared for, and safe.
4. “I don't like…”
Children who practiced Set boundaries Because of how they like to be treated, they tend to have high emotional intelligence. They can communicate effectively Their needs, desires and feelings while taking into account the other person.
They might say, “I don't like you using my stuff without asking me” or “I don't like not knowing what to expect.” Or you may hear other phrases starting with:
- “I'm not okay with…”
- “I don't want to talk about…”
- “I don't think it's cute/funny when…”
They also think carefully about respecting the needs of their peers and siblings.
5. “I made a mistake”
This phrase indicates that the child reflects himself and is freed from shame. Instead of being afraid to make or admit mistakes, they are able to talk about them and solve problems to improve the situation or circumstances.
They also realize what they could have done better or differently because they know that mistakes are what we make Grow, learn and develop Through challenges.
6. “I have an idea”
trust and creativity Problem solving is signs of emotional intelligence and healthy adaptation. Children who have faced difficult situations have learned to work with peers and trusted adults to find solutions or reasonable paths forward.
They feel confident expressing their opinions, ideas and qualities, while also listening to and learning from others.
When children overcome obstacles and consequences in a safe environment, they can develop decision-making skills and resilience while developing emotional awareness and self-esteem.
It starts with you
If your kids haven't said these things yet, don't worry. Emotional intelligence and coping skills take time to develop and often start with parenting.
Just start saying these things yourself. Children learn best from what they are designed to do.
Kelsey Mora He is a Certified Child Life Specialist and Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor who provides personalized support, guidance, and resources to parents, families, and communities affected by medical conditions, trauma, grief, and the stressors of daily life. She is the owner of a private practice, a mother of two, an innovator and an author Method manualsand clinical director of the non-profit organization Pickles group.
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